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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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We're more effective than birth control pills.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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When turkeys mate they think of swans.

~ Johnny Carson ~
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