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A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

~ Russell Baker ~
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A new star with a tremendous national appeal, the skill of a consummate showman.

~ Russell Baker ~
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A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Americans like fat books and thin women.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Disguises thinner than a Chicago stripteaser's work clothes.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

~ Russell Baker ~
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People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.

~ Russell Baker ~
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The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

~ Russell Baker ~
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The lobbies of the new hotels and the Pan American Building exhale a chill as from the unopened Pharaonic tombs... And in their marble labyrinths there is an evil presence that hates warmth and sunlight.

~ Russell Baker ~
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The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

~ Russell Baker ~
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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

~ Russell Baker ~
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Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

~ Russell Baker ~
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You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.

~ Russell Baker ~
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