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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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My favorite animal is steak.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Polite conversation is rarely either.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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This is not a tough job. You read a script. If you like the part and the money is O.K., you do it. Then you remember your lines. You show up on time. You do what the director tells you to do. When you finish, you rest and then go on to the next part. That's it.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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You're only has good as your last haircut.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

~ Fran Lebowitz ~
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